In the second of three imperative posts, I introduce a means of getting the hell out of there with the maximum fuss possible.
This – very public – withdrawal comes into play when one wishes to fritter up one’s dispassionate, glum and/or anti-social companions on a bus or a subway journey: the type of folk with not a “please” or a “thank you” as they shove past to the window seat, who use cheap headsets that reduce music to an infuriating tinny hiss, or who glower at your book as if it were an archaic bit of pterodactyl you were clutching.
2. the scatter
Rather than get up in good time for one’s stop, wait until the very last minute – the beeping on the closing door if you can. Only then, in a flurry, leap to your feet, whipping up your belongings so as to threaten all loose pods, pads and iPhones in the vicinity. Impassion further by clambering over feet and laps, making use of your elbows and pinkies to prod and poke as you scramble through, only to realise on arrival that you’ve left your book on the seat and will have to return.
There may be a few innocent victims en route, but rest assured that you will have benefitted society as a whole – enlivening passions, and creating a scene of indignant solidarity between fellow passengers on what could have been a dreary, routine trip to the shops.
Click here to read part 1 of the EXIT trilogy ‘the sneak out‘ and learn how to make a discrete exit in appalling circumstances.
Stay gripped for the climatic: DRAMATIC EXIT pt.3: the full sweep.
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